should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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