i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
babies were throwing up all over the place
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
