What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
COCAINE IS GR8
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
