the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
