MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
