I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
