I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
