You don't have asthma, your pregnant
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
