me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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