Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
