Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Ladies don't puke and tell
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
