remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
