i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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