omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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