how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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