he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
