I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
