The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just blew my weed a kiss
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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