Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
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