You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm gonna have a badass scar
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
