I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
