I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i wish my penis had a tongue
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just want nice things and good sex
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
