I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
