they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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