This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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