im about as happy as oj after his trial
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
