I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Vodka?
Forever.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
