Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
