Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
