My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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