Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
