i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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