When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
