drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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