She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm way too hungover for life right now
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
