Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
