jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Someone signed my nipple.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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