OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
