If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
