DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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