got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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