you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
