so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
