I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
