I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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