When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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