I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
