How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
