Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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