Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
