i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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